you're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel

[confidenceman]

Christmas was in two weeks. Funny, how Christmas still stood out to Sawyer year after year, even though he didn't care much for the holiday, either in concept or in practice. He'd never been much of a religious kind of guy; the thought that there was someone sentient up in the world who gave all the crap the world went through His stamp of approval just rankled Sawyer. There was, he couldn't help but think, a reason why 'God complex' had a negative connotation, which was that it didn't matter who was in the position of power, to believe that one could completely affect a chain of events, or even that one had a right to try, was dangerous. Even condescending. And maybe a part of him also wanted to think that there was no one up there pulling on puppetstrings, because it was terrifying to think that far from being just another person in the world unable to swim against the current, that there was a force which could render all of his efforts completely useless.

Futility, it stung like a bitch.

From the religious connotations of Christmas to the commercial aspect of it all, Sawyer wasn't a fan of the holiday, but he suspected that he'd recently come into the company of a great number of people who did. So that morning, he was sitting in the kitchen with a few books laid out side by side, mostly do-it-yourself manuals with ideas for gifts he could feasibly make on the island.

Comments

[confidenceman]

"Boring," Sawyer repeats incredulously with raised brows, practically laughing under his breath as he recalls all the things he's seen in Juliet. The ability to shoot an enemy without flinching, without doubt (a fact that's almost scary, if not for the fact that she's never pulled those triggers without purpose). The compassion and the fear in her eyes where pregnancy is concerned. Understated, maybe Juliet can pull that off, but boring, she's never been, to the point where he's pretty sure she's just tugging his leg now.

He shakes his head, hand wrapping more fully around his mug. "You're a whole lotta things, Blondie, but borin' is something you couldn't pull off in a million years, and if someone as thick as me can see that? It shows."

[blondieburke.livejournal.com]

Juliet laughs softly, her smile full of mirth as she looks over at him. It not something she does a lot, laugh and smile, and she takes a sip of her coffee.

"Well, maybe I only feel boring then. I guess I do have a full day. Read, walk on the beach, work two days a week. Hang out here or The Winchester. Read some more. It's a full life. I think I'm going to try my hand at cooking. It can't be that hard, right? I learned medicine, I can figure out a kitchen," she muses. "Those sandwiches I used to bring you were pretty good, right?"

Juliet looks at him again, joking, but she's not sure if it's too soon for jokes about bringing him food while he was locked up.

[confidenceman]

No matter how much Sawyer tries to grow accustomed to the near suburban life that they all lead on Tabula Rasa, there's no fooling himself over how it's idle to the point of near boredom, sometimes. Getting involved in The Mousetrap has been a good first move, and Sawyer has already put in a few inquiries elsewhere for once production's finished, but there's no comparing it to the life of a con man, nor even the life of an islander doing his best to run away from sentient smoke.

"You'd probably make a great cook," Sawyer considers with a casual nod and a half-shrug. "Plenty of cookbooks on the bookshelf for those who ask nicely. I even managed a lasagna kinda thing, though... not sure how I'm supposed t'feel 'bout relyin' on Paula Deen. That woman scares me."

Looking away, he laughs under his breath, shaking his head.

"But yeah, those sandwiches were somethin'."

[blondieburke.livejournal.com]

Juliet gives a little huff of a laugh, the quiet lingering on because she wants to tell him what she came from and what actually is. The three years on the other island happened, James remembers her and not just him, Kate too. So if that version of her life is real and true, then the life with Jack and David can't be. She doesn't know what's holding her back but there's something; something about telling him that she was married to Jack makes her hesitate.

"Well," she finally says, trying for a casual smile to shake herself out of her thoughts. "If you're ever brave enough to try whatever I attempt to make, I could use a food critic. I'm actually a little surprised I made the coffee alright and not 'heart attack inducing' strong."

[confidenceman]

Sawyer knows he could start analyzing. Could start trying to read and decipher Juliet's every last move, because there's always enough that she gives to read, peruse through. But he doesn't. Right now, he's making the active effort to stop being that man who looks for every hole and possible bump along the way to take advantage of. Almost trying to become a civilian, imagine that. His instincts see that smile and that hesitation, and his hand grows a little more tense on his cup for it, for the active effort that he's making to stop.

"I'd be delighted to. Stomach of steel, ate mangoes for months back on the other island without much in between? Think I could handle just about anythin' now," Sawyer grins, shaking his head. "And ain't nothin' better in the world than strong coffee."

[blondieburke.livejournal.com]

She laughs again, then pushes her hair behind her ear as she studies him, wondering if he's thought about what happens when he disappears from this island and goes back to 1974.

"I hope you don't live to regret that decision. I'll start easy," she promises, finishing the last of the coffee in her mug before speaking again. "You asked me to stay, you know."

It's the very last thing she remembers. "Back on the other island. I was going to leave on the sub, and you asked me to stay. So I did," she says with a one shouldered shrug, getting up to rinse out her mug and the coffee pot.

[confidenceman]

Dammit.

She's further ahead than he is, now, and that only drives a deeper sense of unease into his stomach. What made her forget? More importantly, what the hell did she think of that moment of weakness (because what else could his asking her to stay have been other than trying to find a way to avoid the deep, ringing loneliness he so often felt)? Sawyer feels his hand gripping the mug a little more tightly than he should, and that's when knows that it's about time to go. It's just about time.

"That so," he says with the slightest shade of a grin, one not quite full of mirth. "Well. I'm glad you did."

At least he's able to remain honest.

[blondieburke.livejournal.com]

"I am too. It's the last thing I remember, saying yes."

She's watching him, taking in his body language, her eyes flicking to his coffee mug. Letting out a soft breath, she scratches at her forehead and looks up at him again, then gestures to the books. "I hope you find something in there." One day she'll tell him about the nightmare from Halloween. One day she'll tell him that she's been living this life that can't be real.

Others 101 was good for something, at least, and she gives him another small smile, ready to leave him alone. "I'm at the beach a lot. It's a place that I guess I should be sick of but it makes me feel better, somehow. If you're ever out that way and see me, feel free to stop."

Juliet has no idea why she's offering, it's not like they've ever made a regular date of meeting up on the beach, but talking to him today is the least alone she's felt in days. At least since Joshua disappeared. "And you know, if you're ever in need of immediate medical attention, come see me," she says and gives a bigger grin than normal.

[confidenceman]

This is the most difficult part of knowing the people Sawyer knows. On the island, so many intents and desires swirl around, enough to confuse anyone living there, let alone anyone trying to understand one another. Whatever part of Juliet's act is an act (and Sawyer suspects that something is), he doesn't know, not right then, not even as he looks in spite of the fact that he's told himself he shouldn't. So he only lets his gaze linger for a bit before he smirks and looks away again, as he always does, down at his book.

"I'm at the beach a lot too, go figure," he says warmly, less prickly than usual, and certainly less guarded. Ironic. She's an Other, after all. "And possibly startin' up a radio show soon. If you ever wanna stop by the booth, feel welcome."

With one last wink, he pushes aside his empty mug and opens his book once more. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind, though. My guess is that there'll still come a day when I get shot on this island. Some things don't change."

[blondieburke.livejournal.com]

A flash of a smile crosses her features. "A radio show? I didn't even know there was a radio station here. I'll be sure to listen for you."

As Juliet turns to go, she catches his last comment, and she turns in the doorway to look at him. "Well. I've still got your back. That hasn't changed either." She smiles one more time before going, disappearing down the hallway.

[confidenceman]

She seems like a radio kind of person, he thinks to himself. Like she'd enjoy turning the dial and never knowing where the static will clear, but being sure that somewhere it must, that there are people who want to talk as much as there are people who want to listen. She's the latter type when she has the luxury.

All Sawyer can do is watch as she retreats from the corner of his eye, before he looks down at the pages of his book again, the smile gone from his face, even if the expression is still a soft one.

"Still got yours too, Blondie."