you're capable of putting back a few when you have to

[confidenceman]

In the first few months after Clementine arrived in the city, Sawyer hated leaving her side for even a moment. It wasn't any sort of romantic parental instinct at play — far from it, it was nervousness that kept him attached to her at practically all hours for which he was home. Afraid that she'd fall, or break something, or otherwise be hurt beyond repair.

Ironically, now that she's been walking and making her own way around the apartment more, Sawyer feels at ease leaving her for longer days with her nanny. Something about the fact that Clementine can now point at a place on her body if it hurts, or offer different words when she needs help getting things, puts him at ease. He's been able to communicate with his child now in ways he never could before.

Which is why, when the nanny offers to add on another hour to her time with Clementine without charge, Sawyer takes it. Adds on the extra wage she'd be paid normally despite her protests, reaches in his fridge for a couple of beers, and makes his way to the roof of the building to watch the sun set.

It's not a bad way to close out the day.

When he spots a familiar face also emerging from the stairwell, Sawyer grins, holding up his second bottle of beer. It's too cold outside for there to be much condensation on the glass, but in spite of the way the goosebumps rise on his skin, Sawyer can't help but think that he feels more like himself right now than he has in months.

"Join me for a beer?"

Comments

[refusedtocall]

"I've never had much in the way of those," Carla Jean admits with a soft smile, pausing to take a swig of her beer. "Back home I was a cashier in a Walmart and I was just fine with that." Of course, there'd been more to her life then, too, a contentment that had nothing to do with her job or anything else, but her ambitions have never been great. "The way I see it is... as long as I'm here, as long as I have something, then everything else comes second to that. I can't say I find it dull. I kinda like the quiet."

[confidenceman]

"Mm," Sawyer hums, thinking to himself. He's always had ambitions, but in many ways, they were born out of a sense of necessity. Having lost so much at a young age shook Sawyer to the core, forced him to realize that there was no way that he could ever completely rely on another person. And the only way to guarantee his own security was to keep on pushing, to keep on grabbing more of the world for himself. Only since getting to Darrow has he slowed down somewhat.

But even now, he's trying to work hard for Clementine's sake.

"Nothing wrong with being content with what you have. More people could stand to do it. There's still stuff that makes us happy though, ain't there? Doesn't have to be something that society expects us to want or try for. Maybe it's as simple as... I don't know, sailing the ocean."

[refusedtocall]

"I can’t say I’d mind that," Carla Jean says with a crooked grin, almost wistful, though she suspects that, once she got out there, she’d mostly just find it daunting. Before she got shot and then opened her eyes on a beach, she’d never seen the ocean in person before, never really got out of the desert. Looking at it from the shore, wading out into it, is one thing, but being out in the middle of it would probably be another.

She doesn’t really think that specifically is the point, however, and she considers it for another moment before answering. "I guess I’d have to say… findin’ something that makes me happy like that. I don’t know what it would be."

[confidenceman]

Had someone asked Sawyer upon his arrival to Darrow what he was most interested in experiencing, Sawyer knows that the best answer he would have had were a couple of raised middle fingers. When grieving, it's hard to even imagine what happiness might look like. There's too much of a void to fill, too much imbalance that leads to the flare of a quick temper. Only now does Sawyer find himself thinking about life in the longer term.'

He can't blame someone else for having trouble getting to that point.

"Well, here's hoping you find it, then," Sawyer says, reaching over to clink her glass with his own. "I mean, your odds ain't bad. Pretty blondes have got the look going for them. I'd know." He tosses his hair playfully for emphasis.

[refusedtocall]

Carla Jean lets out a laugh at that, tipping her head back as she does, then taking a long swallow of beer. "Yeah, I guess you would, wouldn't you?" she replies. "I don't know. Most people don't even get that once, let alone twice." It doesn't make all that she's lost easier to bear, necessarily, but it does make it easier to accept what's come her way. She had three great years with a man she loved. There's nothing in the world she would trade that for, and it's clear in the look on her face, though it may be a little wistful, that she isn't dissatisfied with how what she's said might apply to her. "And for now, I'm happy just to be here at all."

[confidenceman]

"Yeah," Sawyer says quietly. That sentiment is easy enough to echo. He's still not sure on a daily basis whether or not he deserves to be in Darrow. Something tells him that he isn't, that he's still ever waiting for the other shoe to drop, for all the wrongs he committed to come back and bite him in the ass later. But for now, things seem safe, and calm, and he's unwilling to let that all slip away out of some sense of fear or apprehension.

Some might call it growing soft. But maybe, Sawyer thinks, just maybe this is the new realism. Do what's possible with the time that one gets.

"I guess that makes two of us," he says, grinning as he tilts his bottle in Carla Jean's direction. "Cheers to that. Maybe next time, we can drink to Darrow without freezin' our asses off on the roof."

[refusedtocall]

"You've got yourself a deal," Carla Jean says with a warm smile, almost laughing on the words. It's not as bad out as it could be, at least, as it was through a lot of last winter, but there's a definite bite in the air, and she can't deny that the idea of drinking inside next time is a little more appealing. Just the fact that he's pretty good company would be reason enough to agree, anyway. They might come from fairly different places, but it's close enough that this is pleasantly familiar, that she kind of feels like there's an inherent understanding there anyway. She hasn't had that with a lot of people in Darrow. "And drinks'll be on me next time."