It's like I can hear myself saying this shit, see myself acting like a fucking dick, but I can't stop. I can't stop punishing him, even though I'm not sure why. We're friends -- were friends? -- but it's not like he owes me anything.

I can't really explain why I was so fucking hurt, in the first place.

I'm on my feet the second he pushes his chair back, some wordless protest on the tip of my tongue before I clinch my teeth and swallow it down. And it hits me, again. It's nothing new, but the certainty of it cuts a little sharper than I know what to do with.

I keep losing people. At this rate, there's gonna be nobody left.

"Fine, whatever."