okay, who's the head honcho here?

[confidenceman]

"Stupid— piece of crap—"

Not a morning person on the best of days, when Sawyer woke up to some unknown weight blocking his door, he again began to consider the potential merits of packing it all up and moving into the Compound. However depressing the building was, it at least offered reliable air conditioning, and the bolts of the doors weren't the type to expand in the rain or creak from too much rust. His door jammed, and frequently, the hut initially chosen because Sawyer was too damn impatient to wait for the Building Crew to give him a new place all his own, and later on, too damn lazy to pack up his stuff to move from one spot to another. But there was something different about the resistance the door put up today. Shoving his shoulder against the wood almost made it... bounce.

Strange.

Briefly considering rounding the hut to climb out the window, Sawyer gave his door one last, lengthy shove, until he felt something skidding against dirt, slipping through the cracked opening, only to stumble, his hands grabbing onto something that felt distinctly familiar. Almost like heavy-duty shrink wrap. The sound of ruffling papers fluttered in the distance, and pages upon pages spilled out over the dirt in any number of brilliant colors, with cars, trucks, and SUVs on each cover.

But, aside from a moment's confusion as to why it looked like every issue of Car and Driver magazine had appeared on his doorstop, what drew Sawyer's attention the most was a heavy pallet of toilet paper blocking entrance to his home. Toilet paper.

Charmin's, looked like.

"The hell?"


[ Yes, that's right. All of Car and Driver magazine has turned up on Sawyer's doorstep. As well as a year's supply of Charmin's best toilet paper. This post is dated January 25th, but will be linked to the main comm in February. ST/LT welcome, no limit on tags, open to all. ]

Comments

[notfaking_it]

"Well, I don't get the toilet paper," she admitted, though she was sure there were some people on the island who'd be happy for it. Sometimes having something that was high quality, something from home, was appealing, even if it was only toilet paper. "But the magazine makes sense, then. It makes a lot more sense than some of the gifts I've seen people get. Dogs they don't want or tools they don't know how to use..."

At least the magazine was something he liked.

"I woke up one morning to an iPod and a speaker dock in my place," she said. It was another gift that made sense, as far as she was concerned. It was something she used all the time, something she had always known she missed, but hadn't been aware just how much until it was there again, available for her all the time.

[confidenceman]

"Well hell, I'd take an iPod!" Sawyer exclaimed, rubbing the heel of his palm momentarily against his eye, as though brushing away an irritant, or trying to reassure himself of what he was actually seeing, and Sawyer wasn't quite sure which. Usually, he didn't see any reason to get upset over presents. For the lot that were capable of being shared, all it took was worming into a person's good graces to get some use out of those presents. Besides, the island already gave him more, and on a regular, reliable basis, than he'd ever had in his life.

So it wasn't really greed that had him flabbergasted, or the feeling that somehow, he deserved more than this.

It was the fact that he couldn't still help feeling like the butt of a joke.

"It's bathroom luxuries," he concluded, waving a hand at it all. "Bathroom luxuries. When you're sittin' on the crapper and decide that you need somethin' to read. That's what you lay out. Magazines. Shit."

[notfaking_it]

"Oh, come on," Lily said, squeezing his arm gently before she tipped her face up to look at him. It wasn't the nicest of presents, she could admit that, and when it was put like that she could see why he wouldn't be very happy with it, but she still didn't want him to be upset over it. Maybe mentioning her gift hadn't been the most graceful way to handle the situation.

"You want some help cleaning this up?" she asked. "Then we can devise some brilliant way to distract you." It might not work, but it was the best she had to offer most of the time. And she liked Sawyer. It was useless to even try and deny that, especially to herself, although she'd certainly tried for awhile. She liked him and she wanted the people she liked to be happy, even if it was only a gift making them happy at the time.

She wanted the island to have given him something he'd like.

[confidenceman]

"It ain't your problem t'deal with—"

He waved his hand absently at first, hearing Lily's offer, but not truly taking it to heart. After all that he'd come to rely on her for, the last thing that he wanted was to create another burden, and especially one that he couldn't see as rewarding in any way. It was just a large load of toilet paper. Nothing to learn from. But a glance down in her direction had him pausing, because for all that he'd probably just made an ass of himself for the hundredth time, there was still that smile on her face, her eyes all the more bright, and Sawyer felt the tension fading away from his shoulders.

Sometimes he doubted whether or not people wanted him around; Lily never seemed to give him room to worry with her.

"Wait a sec," he said, craning his neck and chin raised a touch. "When you say a brilliant way to distract me..."

[notfaking_it]

"I just meant that everything I do is brilliant," Lily answered, although there was a teasing lilt to her voice and she was glad to see him lighten up, at least a little bit. She was never quite sure if he was flirting with her, but she thought he might be now, even in the face of the magazines and toilet paper. "Unless you had something particularly brilliant in mind. My day is wide open."

As most days on the island tended to be, but she'd never had a problem finding something to do or someone to spend time with. Given all the things that could go wrong here, all the times people were hurt, it was something she enjoyed in particular about life on the island. Something she could appreciate, even when things might be hard for those around her.

Whether or not it was her problem was irrelevant. He had to know that by now, too.

[confidenceman]

He'd be hard-pressed to argue with her, in all honesty. Everything that she's ever done in his presence has been, admittedly, pretty damn brilliant. Or at the very least, practical. She's been able to hold with his brand of humor, been able to tolerate him when his blood alcohol content was probably through the damn roof. And somehow, she tolerated all his bullshit without letting him wallow in it. Everything that she did appealed for any number of those reasons, or more still.

And some part of Sawyer couldn't help but think that all those reasons just served as more reason to be careful about how deeply the two of them got involved. But as his lip ran over his slightly chapped lip, and suggestion finally gave his eyes free reign at last, he couldn't help the glances. Couldn't help noticing.

(Hell, she was gorgeous. Like anyone needed good eyes to see that.)

"Whole day, huh," he remarked, trying for levity. "Don't know if it'd be too selfish of me to book t'whole thing."

[notfaking_it]

"I don't know that I'd mind," Lily answered, her tone as light as his, but her gaze drifted toward his mouth briefly, drawn there by the movement. In truth, she wouldn't mind at all, would hardly consider such a thing selfish, even if she didn't find herself as attracted to him as she did. But it was more than just attraction, something she'd still barely admitted to herself.

And even as often as she wasn't sure how he might see her, the way he looked at her now certainly made it a little more clear. The only problem she could foresee (if there was a problem at all) was that she still wasn't entirely sure what she was doing. She wasn't even entirely sure what she felt. Whatever it was, it was more than simply wanting to sleep with Sawyer, though it would be useless to pretend she wasn't attracted to him.

"Half the day?" she asked, a grin curving up the corners of her mouth, even as she didn't quite meet his gaze.

[confidenceman]

"Half the day could be a good compromise," Sawyer replied with a arch of his brow and a slight nod. His eyes traced over the outline of the pallet off to the side, fighting back the urge to laugh, or joke, or crack wise when a part of him felt like doing anything but. Three months it'd been since Kate left— only three months. That amount of time once passed so quickly, he thought to himself. But on the island, everything felt that shade of aimless, hopeless, and the only wash of motion came from clinging to one another.

He'd spent so much of his time trying to escape the first island, but the second one left him fighting less. Stepping closer, he wondered if that was hesitation that he felt in her stance, heard in her voice, giving her actions pause.

Feeling foolish for it, he reached out to curiously tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. His gaze wandered to the side not long after.

"Could've had better timing," he remarked, the toilet paper not being his favorite of backdrops.

[notfaking_it]

A laugh escaped Lily as her gaze was drawn to the toilet paper as well, unable to help herself. In general, life was funny, nothing was neat and things were impossible to plan, especially when living somewhere like this, a place where toilet paper appeared out of nowhere. But whether or not it was there, she had no complaints and she looked back to Sawyer, another smile curving her lips as he tucked her hair back.

Shifting closer to him, she lay one palm flat against his chest before her shoulders lifted in a slow shrug. "Timing isn't everything," she said simply, though maybe it was. Maybe this was the timing that was meant to have happened. Lily didn't necessarily put a lot of stock in fate or things happening for a reason, but she also wasn't one to question when things did happen or why. Things happened and whether it was through free will or fate, she didn't find herself worrying about it.

Slowly, she pushed up onto her toes, bringing herself a little closer to him. "So do you want help cleaning up the mess first?" she asked, but she was grinning as she spoke.

[confidenceman]

He found that his mouth was suddenly dry, and from this close of a distance, he could catch every hint of color in the flecks of her irises, the splay of her lashes over skin, and it was enough at once that he simply wanted to brush any errant strands of hair away, hand moving to gently cover her shoulder. The touch was too lingering to be strictly platonic, but neither did he want to assume. Perhaps most of all, he just didn't want to change things for the worse. Inaction he could deal with, in theory.

But he was finding that the amount of self-control he had was quick to change, and even faster to slip away. Pressing his lips tightly together, he continued to run his palm down the side of her arm, eyes narrowing that minute amount.

"Mess might take a whole day, I'm afraid," he pointed out, eyes briefly dipping to where her hand rested on his chest.

He found that he didn't mind the weight.

[notfaking_it]

The hand on her arm was warm, heavier than she expected somehow, but it was a good weight. And maybe it was a cliché, but she could still feel where he'd been touching her, faint prickles of electricity left behind as his hand ran down from her shoulder. Her fingers curled slightly, one hooked gently in the collar of his shirt, and she smiled up at him, a different smile, the teasing gone from it as she watched the way he looked down at her hand.

"Then forget about it and kiss me already," she answered, not knowing the words were going to come out until they did. She hadn't had time to think about what she might say and she was glad for it. All the ways in which this could be a mistake were outweighed by all the things about it that could be good. Lily had never worried much about making a mistake and she didn't want to start now, not in this moment.

Not when his hand on her skin felt this good.

[confidenceman]

"You got it, Pavlova," Sawyer breathed, the instruction all the push he needed to lean in until his lips captured her own. He'd spent time actively trying not to think about this, about the possibility of a kiss, of something more, because of the countless uncertainties, and he went in without any expectations. Was surprised by the soft touch of her lips, if only because he hadn't tried to imagine them at all. His breath left him in a deep exhale, almost a growl on the tip of his tongue as his left hand brushed up her side and came to a rest by her neck, calloused fingertips brushing against the soft skin there. His right arm took the liberty of wrapping around her waist, but did not pull her to him yet.

Because the last thing he wanted to do was overstep, even if in some ways, he suspected that he already had.

Her hair fell over her hand, strands tickling his skin, and Sawyer allowed his lips to part, tongue sweeping over her lip and pressing until it traced the edge of her teeth. She tasted like something sweet, but tart. Pineapple, possibly.

[notfaking_it]

Gently, Lily's body swayed forward, the pressure of his arm around her waist more than enough of an invitation for her to press against him. The hand on his chest slid up, fingers brushing against the side of his neck before her hand pushed slowly into his hair and her lips parted, tongue moving slowly to meet his for a brief moment. A shiver raced up her spine as a soft breath escaped, a gentle exhale as her eyes slipped closed and she pressed the kiss slowly deeper.

He was so much taller than she was, but she drew up further, rising onto her toes, her body pressed to his, taking in the warmth coming off him. She'd thought about this more than once, thought about kissing him, about being this close to him and Lily knew she'd wanted to do this since the day she'd run into him on the beach.

There was a brush of stubble against her skin, accompanied by the sensation of his fingers on her neck, rough skin against smooth and the feeling sent another surge of want through her. Her other hand settled back on his chest, fingertips curling slightly to make it clear that he didn't have to hold back with her.

[confidenceman]

She was smaller than most women he'd been with, although that wasn't a detail that he truly noticed until now, her entire body feeling so small in his hands. Thin though she was, everything about her seemed to exude its own sort of strength, the palm of his hand carefully running up her side and feeling muscles move under his fingertips, dragging them against her tank top and coaxing the hem up so the slightest sliver of skin showed through. Getting to the door proved difficult as his foot dragged over the dirt, interrupting an otherwise smooth transition, but with a few neighbors in the general vicinity, Sawyer wasn't sure that he wanted to put on a show.

Tilting his head, he deepened the kiss still, heady with the feel of her breath mingling with his own. Pulling back for a breath, he caught a glimpse of her lashes, blurry from proximity, but their curve beautiful to his eye as his lips hovered less than an inch away. With a resolute exhale, he closed the distance again, and when her tongue swept over his lip, he met her with his own, sucking gently before nipping at the corner of her mouth. Tapping against the door with his heel, Sawyer crouched down far enough to lift Lily off the ground, breaking the kiss to get a good hold of her, bodies pressed flush while his free hand scrambled for the handle of the door and slipped them inside.

As the shadow fell over them, he leaned in again, pressing open-mouthed kisses down the side of her neck. "Gorgeous," he breathed, continue to step back as his mouth made progress down to her collarbone, and his heart lurched from the contact.

[notfaking_it]

A flush of warmth heated her, coursing through her body when he lifted her and Lily wrapped her other arm around him, surprised to find her breath already quickening. She wanted more of this, more of his hands on her, more of his mouth and her fingers found the buttons of his shirt, undoing them one by one as her head tipped back. A smile curved her lips as he spoke, then disappeared almost as quickly as his mouth moved over her skin and she arched toward him.

They were inside now, she was aware of that much, aware that there was a bed somewhere in the vicinity, but her focus was on the last button of his shirt. Her fingers fumbled, the pushed it through and her hands slid back up, over the expanse of his chest, over his warm skin until she reached his shoulders and pushed the material back. One of her sandals slipped off, barely noticed by Lily at all. She was too caught up in the walk across the room, in his mouth, the way his stubble rasped against her skin, his arms under her hands.

"Shit," she said with a soft laugh as she tripped on her other sandal, then kicked it off, leaving it behind on the floor.

[confidenceman]

He laughed against her throat, a low rumble against the teeth drawing gentle lines down her neck, when he heard the sound of a sandal hitting the ground. And the laughter that he heard from side when the second soon followed sent his head rushing, delirious over having somehow caused that, laughter and happiness in this woman who had constantly stayed by his side and never complained. It wasn't the only thing which fueled heated skin— it couldn't have been, for both passion and loyalty were necessary— but it sent his heart aching in a slow burn as he continued stepping back, free hand drawing lines down her spine.

"Took the words right outta my mouth," he murmured.

Calves hitting the side of his bed, he laughed again, whirling the both of them around and holding her waist close to his own as he laid her down on the mattress. Hands newly freed, he shrugged off his shirt, letting it fall to the ground before resting his palm on the side of her thigh. Capturing her lips again, he continued to kiss in time with the hand which carefully traced up her side, until his fingers could slip under the hem of both shirts, a groan caught in his throat at the feel of her skin.

[notfaking_it]

She could feel that laugh all through her body, the vibrations moving across her skin and a soft groan escaped her as they moved, bodies shifting together, toward the bed. Before she could even open her eyes to see it, Lily felt Sawyer walk into the bed and then he was turning her, too quickly for her to resist -- not that she would have -- and a moment later she was laid out on the mattress, watching as he dropped his shirt to the ground, her gaze tracing the lines of his arms, his chest, his shoulders.

When he kissed her, both her hands pushed into his hair, holding him close to her. Her body pushed up, arching into his touch on her skin and she could feel how badly she wanted more than that, his skin pressed against hers, heated and flushed, too warm and yet exactly what she craved. Her hands slid down the back of his neck, the broad expanse of his back, until she reached the hem of his jeans where her fingers turned in, nails dragging lightly across his skin.

Then she was hooking her hands in the hem of her tank tops, pulling them up even as she nipped lightly at his lower lip. With a smile, she pulled away just enough to catch Sawyer's gaze, then tugged the fabric of her shirts over her head, her hair fanning out as she tossed them away.

[confidenceman]

Static leaped between his skin and her own, snapping in the air, drawing a surprised chuckle from his lips. He indulged himself for a second, running his fingers through her hair, each strand straight as a pin, smooth as silk, and his lips brushed by her hairline, finding something so unfamiliar in that small detail alone. Her hair was finer, somehow. The colors varied. And before he allowed himself to fall too deeply, he brushed that same open-mouthed kiss to her cheek, teeth grazing against the curve of her smile as he slid them further back on the mattress until his knees straddled her on either side.

Her skin newly bare, Sawyer shivered as he kneaded his fingers against her back, then up her side until the pad of his thumb brushed over her nipple, teasing. Wordlessly, he shifted until he found that heated stretch of skin by her throat, sucking just lightly enough to keep from making a mark. Maybe it was fast. Maybe it was too fast. But he couldn't think of a single reason to slow down, aside from that ever-present fear, deeply buried for the moment, that opening one door necessarily meant closing another.

His mind was too far gone to dwell on that.

[notfaking_it]

Goosebumps rose on Lily's skin at the feel of his thumb, his mouth, and she ran her hands up his legs on either side of her, fingers sliding over denim, wishing fiercely it was already gone. There was nothing, though, nothing at all preventing her from doing this for as long as she wanted, as long as they wanted, drawing it out, touching and moving and driving herself just about crazy with it. Whatever parts of her that had been worrying before, had been wondering if this was a good idea, they were gone. She'd forgotten them or assuaged the fears, but it was gone and she couldn't let herself think beyond this moment and the next.

At the feel of his mouth on her throat, a soft gasp escaped her and Lily's hands rose higher, over his thighs, his hips, before one slipped between them and she rubbed the heel of her palm against him slowly. Her movements were distracted, though, caught up in the sensation of his mouth against her skin and her back bowed slightly, arching toward him, trying to press closer still.

The last time she had been here, she'd been worried about him, wanted to help him in any way she could and doing something like this had crossed her mind. But now, for the moment, she was glad she hadn't, glad that it was happening now instead of then, instead of being connected with that period of time.

[confidenceman]

A quick breath escaped him, snagging on his teeth as he felt her hand move to palm against him, his nose pressing against her jaw as he attempted to stifle a growl. Finding him not entirely successful, his hips jerked forward, pressing into the slow, steady movement, pressure coiling low in his abdomen with a fire that he set to his kisses instead, trailing them down her side, along the curve of her breast. He was already hard, almost painfully so, and had half a mind to laugh at himself for having so little self-restraint. Or perhaps, he thought instead, perhaps it wasn't the effect of time or being in any way denied, but instead a result of Lily being what she was. Special. Full of life and laughter, and every bit as magnetic as the dark color of her eyes.

Fingers tracing lightly over her abdomen, Sawyer's hand soon moved down to cup her in return, pressing steadily through cloth as his free hand brushed along her thigh, wrapping her leg as well as he could around his waist. Had he been hastier, more desperate, chances were they'd be laid bare, but a part of him preferred it this way. Not slow, exactly, but steady. Every step along the way a chance for him to step back, if he felt this too much, or potentially a mistake.

Continuing to hold her as closely as he could, pressed flush to his body, Sawyer traced his tongue around darker skin, hot kisses pressed against her breast, nipple worried between gentle teeth. More important than having his own fun was ensuring that she had hers.

It seemed right for her personality.

[notfaking_it]

"God," she moaned softly, hips arching toward the touch, a startled laugh very nearly escaping her at the same time. Through his jeans she could feel him, feel that he was hard and it brought another whispered noise to her lips before her free hand ran up his arm, then down his back, her hand spread over his shoulder, fingers trailing over muscle, warm skin, until they reached the waist of his jeans again. Then both hands were between their bodies, her fingers working on his belt even as her head fell back again.

He was pressed so close to her, no room for her to move and it worked, she didn't want to, wanted instead for more of everything. His teeth on her skin sent heat surging through her body, and her leg tightened around him in response, trying to draw him closer still.

Then, without warning, she arched against him briefly. She was small, but still strong enough for her intention to be clear and a grin curved her lips as she tried to turn them over on the mattress. He was paying so much attention her, to every inch of her and she wanted the same opportunity, to run her hands and her mouth over him, to give him to cause to make those noises again. Wetting her lips with her tongue, she finally managed to undo his belt and then slid her hands to his hair, to either side of his jaw, turning his face to look up at her.

[confidenceman]

He rolled over with a startled laugh, hands letting go in that instant, handing over the reins fully. Though he was capable of taking the upper hand where required, in truth, Sawyer was always more comfortable like this, with the other person taking the lead and him simply following along. It removed the element of choice from his side of the table, made it impossible for him to work his wiles half as well, and so felt more honest, in its way. He wouldn't have to worry about breaking her heart; she held his in a vice. And, hell, beyond all talk of emotion— it was just a lot of fun.

"Hell," he grinned, bright for once, enamored with the spontaneity and all its perfection.

When her hands slipped down to undo his belt, Sawyer's eyes remained open and stared up at the ceiling for all of a second before a deep groan caught in his throat at all the movement, too much, not nearly enough, his hips almost bucking except for the control that he forced into his hands, not wanting to somehow tip her over. When her hands guided his jaw, eyes gaze soon followed, lazy and heavily lidded as his hands shifted to wrap around her wrists for a second, then slid back along her arms, until he pressed warm palms to her shoulders, willing her closer.

[notfaking_it]

Grinning in response, Lily stretched out over the length of Sawyer's body, letting him draw her closer, her hands sliding down to either side of his neck. As she moved, her hips arched down slowly, creating friction between them, a purposeful movement as her lips found the line of his jaw. The hut was warm, the air heavy and Lily could feel her skin growing slick, his skin under her hands, under her mouth and he tasted of it as she dragged her teeth gently down the column of his throat.

She had no idea how a day that had started with toilet paper and magazines had ended up here, but she couldn't be bothered to think on it long. Only the promise of half a day was still there and she grinned again, unable to stop herself, her lips curving against his skin.

With another slow roll of her hips, she moved back to hover over him, meeting his gaze for a moment, that smile still in place before she leaned in to meet his mouth in another deep kiss. It was long, slow, her tongue tracing gently when her lips parted, a soft breath escaping. There was a part of her that genuinely thought she could do this all day, stay in this hut, in this bed, do whatever they wanted, forget that there was anything outside. At least for now.

[confidenceman]

There were times over the years when Sawyer had asked himself that inevitable and unanswerable question of whether or not that feeling of loneliness that had lodged itself in his heart the day his parents died would always persist. It was a question which made him contrary on the best of days, sometimes convinced that he would retain that same hollow in his life even after Anthony Cooper's death, and then at turns convinced that he'd moved past it in some way already. He was rarely on his own anymore. That had ended with the island, being forced to live the same lives as those around him for an extended period of time, and gradually, unavoidably learning about them and who they'd been prior to the island. Discovering with them who they were bound to become. On Tabula Rasa, that feeling of isolation had lingered to some degree, but with increasing frequency, found itself pushed into the very corner of his thoughts.

Lying there with Lily, it hardly even crossed his mind at all, save for that hopeful beat of his heart against his chest, the one that tempered the touch of his hand as he slid his fingers into her hair, leaning into the kiss with a soft and yearning moan, tongue meeting her own and finding that she tasted sweet still.

Completely out of control of his own actions, Sawyer arched his hips up, the movement unsteady, as she pressed down against him. He felt his length, too warm and too aware, press against her thigh, and he gasped lightly when she shifted— whether purposely or not, he couldn't tell. His own fingers raked down her back, rested by her hips, and slipped deviously underneath the elastic pull of her underwear, thumb tracing that spot underneath her hip in a smooth, circular fashion, before starting to ease all of the fabric down, wanting more skin, wanting more of her, and wanting it never to stop.

[notfaking_it]

Never one to question her decisions or regret the past, Lily nevertheless found herself wondering why they hadn't done this sooner. Why she hadn't put his name down the first time they'd met, why they hadn't admitted to themselves that they wanted this and even as the questions uncurled, she knew she couldn't answer them. Didn't want to answer them, maybe, knew the answers already and preferred not to think on them. What she wanted was right here. The rest didn't matter.

Straddling his hips, she held her weight on her knees and slid both hands down his chest as they kissed, reaching between them for the button and zipper of his jeans. The touch of his thumb on her hip, his fingers on the skin just under the line of her underwear brought a soft gasp to her lips. She broke the kiss and sat up, her lower lip pulled between her teeth even as she smiled down at him. Her fingers curved into the waist of his jeans and she shifted on his hips, tugging them down gently, moving back only long enough to pull them off entirely. Then she was at his hips again and her body bent, her lips and teeth following the line of his ribs. Her hands slid up his chest, her mouth following the path they took until she reached his lips again and grinned against them.

It was hard not to smile, even with his hands on her -- maybe especially with his hands on her -- and her fingers traced down his side, nails trailing lightly until she reached the line of his boxers and slipped under.